Archive for April, 2012

Taking Control Of My Life Back

Case In Point

I’m getting my stubbornness up. I don’t often do so, since it ends up rather like a bull in a china shop when it happens, and something always ends up broken at the end. Yes I’m a Taurus. But I feel this situation calls for it, and large helpings of it. Frankly, there are several things that need to be broken, so it’s time to bring the bull out.

I hate my life. Oh yes, I said it. I’m a single mother of a nine year old, broke, living on welfare, right next to my parent’s house, can’t pay my bills half the time, get no child support from the Idiot…frankly I’m pretty sure this is my definition of HELL. Toss in a whole host of medical problems: fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, herniated disc in lower back, anxiety (ya THINK?), depression (gee, wonder why), chronic headaches – including compression headaches which are in my eyes the worst thing on the planet – and you have yourself one hot mess.

I’m so done with it. I want what I want and by the gods I’m going to get it. And if it kills me, do you really think I care? I’m tired of whining, even with cause. It’s time for me to pull up that good ole family fortitude, bring in the bull and get this party started. I need control of my life, and I’m the only one who can do it. The only one who can get the things done that need to be done, the only one who really has any say in pretty much everything. I’m it. The buck stops here. Pick your favorite expression.

So, even if I have to be hopped up on pain meds and coffee, I’m charging. Feel free to smack me around if you catch me whining, redirect me, or otherwise beat the hell out of me. I’m a tough broad, I can take it. It’s on Universe, it is fucking ON!



Trying To Do It All

Photo credit: PromMafia

Trying to do it all when your body doesn’t want to cooperate makes an uphill battle even steeper. I’ve always wanted to be the traditional housewife and mother – the husband works, and my job is to take care of the kids and the house. I’m very old-fashioned in that way, and trying to fit that into the modern world. Except there is one problem with this: I’m a single mother. Have been for years – seven to be exact, if you don’t count the father’s early “noninvolvement.” This means I have to do it all. Yup, I’m chief cook, housekeeper, dish washer, and I have to somehow bring home income to support us with.

I also have several health issues. I have a herniated disc in my lower back, mild scoliosis, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, depression, anxiety, chronic headaches – gods only know what else. These combined make doing much of anything very difficult, and on high pain days nearly impossible. But I have to keep going, since there is no one I can turn to for help – at least physically.

I’m a type A++ personality, which makes this even more difficult. I’ve recently had to let go of my high expectations, I just can’t physically move mountains anymore. But that doesn’t mean I can’t move piles of dirt and rock until the mountain is gone. I have to take things slow, and I’ve found out that I need lots of support. Fortunately my writer friends on Twitter have been an amazing help. They’ve been very supportive, and I love them all. I can’t let my body dictate my life, or allow my circumstances to do so either. That doesn’t mean that I can push until I drop dead, but I can aim a little higher each day. I can do it all, I just need to do it in smaller chunks then I normally would. And that’s okay.

How have you tackled the issue of trying to do it all?

22 Things For April

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my next 22 Things list. Most of the items on my first one weren’t goals per se, but instead more like wants. Hell, some were just plain wishful thinking! If you have no clue what I’m talking about, you can find my original 22 Things list here.

This time the prompt is 22 Things that will make you feel better about yourself. And I highly doubt a bullet to the brain counts. You’d have to ask Angie about that, but I’m pretty sure she would concur. So I’m going to take the prompts and write them out as goals, sort of. Cause that’s how I roll, and these are just for April, because thinking too far ahead hurts my brain.

  1. Self-publish one short story.
  2. Continue working on current WIPs. #Wordmongering would be wonderfully helpful in this!
  3. Attend to my girly needs – like showers, manicures, pedicures etc. I hate feeling like I look trashy.
  4. Meal planning! This has made my life easier over the past week, so I need to do more of it.
  5. Write 10 non-fiction articles (not including blog posts). Small enough goal, shouldn’t interfere too much with my darling fiction writing.
  6. Remove the clutter from my home, a little bit every day. I hate clutter, hate, hate, hate it. But it has infested my living space, therefore, it has to go!
  7. Start 3 short stories. It’s not like I’m lacking in ideas.
  8. Journal and do my Morning Pages daily. I really notice a difference when I use these tools, but for whatever reason I find myself dropping them when stressed.
  9. Get my heart rate up every day. Exercise is good for you, even if all you want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep afterwards <note to self>.
  10. Keep better notes throughout the day. If I had written down all the thoughts I was thinking about this blog post, I wouldn’t be stumbling through it now.
  11. Clear out area that I want my compost pile in. It’s a mess and I’m not sure what is buried under the leaves. Probably don’t want to know.
  12. Use up what I already have on hand before I go grocery shopping. Seems so simple, yet somehow it’s not.
  13. Save money any way I can. Clipping coupons, trading points for gift cards, buying less – I’m not picky. Every little bit of money I don’t spend works in my favor.
  14. Make a shopping list and stick to it! See above, it’s all about saving money. And I have a bit of an impulse buyer issue.
  15. Write down my dreams. Been having some really odd ones, and I’d like to remember them. There could be patterns, or it could become story fodder.
  16. Get a decent night’s sleep. 10pm bedtime, but no later than 11pm. And Twitter is not a viable excuse to stay up late.
  17. Stop avoiding my to do list. I put those items on there because they need to get done, not because they look shiny on the page.
  18. 6am wake up call. My alarm is already set for 6, but I’m not doing so great in the listening to it department. This one might just never happen, but it’s worth a try.
  19. Write something for at least one writing contest. Can be a poem, short story, and flash fiction, whatever. Just do it.
  20. Spend more time with my daughter. She needs her Mommy.
  21. No smoking! I hate that nasty stuff. I’ll just have to find something else to self-medicate with.
  22. Catch up on my reading and reviewing. Currently have 10 books that have been read already, that are just waiting for the re-read and review. This number will just keep climbing if I don’t start taking care of this.

So that’s my 22 Things for April. Admittedly it was way harder to write them out like this, I had the hardest time coming up with 22 Things. But I did it! How well I do with them, well, that’s another blog post.

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