Posts Tagged ‘Depression’

Taking Control Of My Life Back

Case In Point

I’m getting my stubbornness up. I don’t often do so, since it ends up rather like a bull in a china shop when it happens, and something always ends up broken at the end. Yes I’m a Taurus. But I feel this situation calls for it, and large helpings of it. Frankly, there are several things that need to be broken, so it’s time to bring the bull out.

I hate my life. Oh yes, I said it. I’m a single mother of a nine year old, broke, living on welfare, right next to my parent’s house, can’t pay my bills half the time, get no child support from the Idiot…frankly I’m pretty sure this is my definition of HELL. Toss in a whole host of medical problems: fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, herniated disc in lower back, anxiety (ya THINK?), depression (gee, wonder why), chronic headaches – including compression headaches which are in my eyes the worst thing on the planet – and you have yourself one hot mess.

I’m so done with it. I want what I want and by the gods I’m going to get it. And if it kills me, do you really think I care? I’m tired of whining, even with cause. It’s time for me to pull up that good ole family fortitude, bring in the bull and get this party started. I need control of my life, and I’m the only one who can do it. The only one who can get the things done that need to be done, the only one who really has any say in pretty much everything. I’m it. The buck stops here. Pick your favorite expression.

So, even if I have to be hopped up on pain meds and coffee, I’m charging. Feel free to smack me around if you catch me whining, redirect me, or otherwise beat the hell out of me. I’m a tough broad, I can take it. It’s on Universe, it is fucking ON!

 

Trying To Do It All

Photo credit: PromMafia

Trying to do it all when your body doesn’t want to cooperate makes an uphill battle even steeper. I’ve always wanted to be the traditional housewife and mother – the husband works, and my job is to take care of the kids and the house. I’m very old-fashioned in that way, and trying to fit that into the modern world. Except there is one problem with this: I’m a single mother. Have been for years – seven to be exact, if you don’t count the father’s early “noninvolvement.” This means I have to do it all. Yup, I’m chief cook, housekeeper, dish washer, and I have to somehow bring home income to support us with.

I also have several health issues. I have a herniated disc in my lower back, mild scoliosis, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, depression, anxiety, chronic headaches – gods only know what else. These combined make doing much of anything very difficult, and on high pain days nearly impossible. But I have to keep going, since there is no one I can turn to for help – at least physically.

I’m a type A++ personality, which makes this even more difficult. I’ve recently had to let go of my high expectations, I just can’t physically move mountains anymore. But that doesn’t mean I can’t move piles of dirt and rock until the mountain is gone. I have to take things slow, and I’ve found out that I need lots of support. Fortunately my writer friends on Twitter have been an amazing help. They’ve been very supportive, and I love them all. I can’t let my body dictate my life, or allow my circumstances to do so either. That doesn’t mean that I can push until I drop dead, but I can aim a little higher each day. I can do it all, I just need to do it in smaller chunks then I normally would. And that’s okay.

How have you tackled the issue of trying to do it all?

%d bloggers like this: